I am reading a novel and I cried when the main character's dad was taken by Sultan's guards to be a prisoner in watchtower, supposed to be killed 90 days later. I suddenly want to read diaries of children. maybe reading them make me happier? I'm not sure, but it's true there's be expectation adults for children to be innocent  and childhood to be happy. Although sometimes that might not be true.

Here is an island, which many people idealize and desire to be. Of course, it's relaxing to be here. But I'm not mentally relaxed unlike a tourist.

I'm smelling pesticide. Is someone pouring it out or spraying it around? someone outside?

oh I miss my best friend so much. I wish to be with her and take a walk together, as if our day is as normal as before. she is so adorable and she and flower go well together when she takes a photo. I wish the day would come soon, the day when I get a job with stable income and go around the world during my holidays, to see my close friends including her. 

In life, you have to make a choice and move on. In life, you might have to start a next chapter, without looking back all the time. en plus, you lose some in doing so. Things like friendship, French you learned so hard ...

today, a yellow butterfly came to our garden. It took a sip from 10 different pink flowers of the same kind there. I counted. She usually takes a meal at our garden.

there are so many things I love in life. <- it was what I used to say and write all the time. I wish to be that girl who said that, again. I wish ...

isn't there any way I can help others (for free I mean) with my knowledge, skill, and ability? Why do I always get stuck in

exams/tests, and so on? When will I be able to be generous and sharing? I'm afraid of losing many things, if this mode of

life continues for many years. Is it a society's fault? --the social structure-- or mine only?

I want to be connected. maybe some might feel the same. How can I lead an active life, while endeavoring to prepare for the exams? Am I wanting too much?

I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll be more relaxed and happy, or  at least positive.

wishing to lead a life of giving in any way I can.